With an EQMS, there is no reason why
Santa Claus shouldn't fly around the globe
giving every good little girl and boy
some really great presents!
Once upon a time your parent or some “responsible” adult decided to be a big dope and tell you that Santa Claus wasn’t real. You, always the awesome kid on the block, took the news with grace but nevertheless it carved a scar onto your tender little heart.
Parents can be such miserable wet blankets.
Let’s not wax too dramatic, however. Of course you’ve moved on with your life, and frankly you’ve been a great success, but perhaps---just maybe---some small childlike part of you is still mourning the loss of Santa-Claus-like innocence, wonder, and joy. After all, believing in Santa Claus allows people to enjoy the very act of BELIEVING, which can be fun! In fact, aren’t there times when you wonder if no longer believing in Santa Claus has blocked your ability to believe in the possibility of……well…. everything?
This article is dedicated to reminding you that seemingly impossible things are actually quite possible and seem quite ordinary after they are created! For example, here’s a very short list of things that many people said were impossible but that are now considered normal “every day” activities:
- Airplanes (modern human flight)
- Skype and related online platforms (talking with people who live on the other side of the world for free)
- The Internet (access to relevant information from every corner of the globe in seconds)
- Visiting the moon
- Choosing whether or not to watch commercials
So while we’re at it why couldn’t we add Santa Claus to this list? After all, with the right knowledge, tools, and technology there isn’t a reason in the universe why Santa Claus shouldn’t fly around the globe giving every good little girl and boy some really great presents!
So without further ado, let’s dig deep and reconsider a belief in the fat, rosy-cheeked, and bearded man of the north. In fact, we’ll start by pointing out seven reasons why your dope-of-a-parent said Santa Claus wasn’t real, and seven reasons why he actually is out there…..doing his cookie-eating, reindeer-flying, Rudolph-following, ho-ho-ho-ing thing.
Dope-of-a-Parent #1: Reindeer can’t fly!
“Biologists aren’t dumb,” your parent told you in a matter-of-fact voice. These scientists studied reindeer and the conclusions are clear: reindeer weigh anywhere from 170-260 pounds (79-120 kgs) and aren’t exactly aerodynamically built. In other words, reindeer cannot and should not fly! However, before we scold Santa lovers for their childlike beliefs let’s turn to DAClarke.org which mentions that there are approximately “300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer…” which still gives Santa Claus a fighting chance.
Consider the Possibility: With document control it’s easy to keep flying reindeer top secret!
In upscale important operations, such as those managed by Santa Claus and his merry elves, keeping some documentation secret is always necessary. With document control and an EQMS (electronic quality management system) Santa Claus can assign permissions to only those reindeer, elves and other Claus family members as he sees fit. After all, if you’re one of the few people on the planet Earth who knows about flying reindeer it’s important to be careful with that information!
Also, keeping those flying reindeer invisible and undetectable throughout most of the year would obviously require the latest “miracles” in the realm of materials science. The ingredients that create these “magical disappearing potions” could be ordered and managed effectively using BOM (Bill of Materials) management software…another valuable module included in an effective EQMS.
Dope-of-a-Parent #2: Too many children!
It’s common for silly parents to get caught up in the fact that a LOT of children live on the planet Earth. They ask themselves, “How could one man who is purportedly quite out of shape give gifts to all the Earth’s children in one night? It just couldn’t be possible!”
Consider the Possibility: Santa is in good shape and there are fewer children than you think!
First off, Santa Claus would like to maintain that he is in quite good shape. In fact, according to the North Pole Advisor Santa Claus regularly participates in spinning classes and saves desserts for the month of December when he fattens up to maintain his jolly image. After the holidays Santa Claus actually eats quite a lot of kale and easily sheds his excess weight so that he can avoid heart disease and other undesirable conditions.
Also, in regard to the number of children living on the planet, it’s true that there are approximately two billion all together. However, you must consider that Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children don’t share the Santa Claus tradition. So approximately 378 million children are actually awaiting the jolly fat man carrying their toys. And not all of those children---unfortunately---have been good this year so according to DAClarke.org, “At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes [as] one presumes there’s a least one good child in each.”
With Santa’s EQMS and training management software, the master plan to reach 91.8 million homes in one night can be virtually practiced throughout the year so that when the time comes, Santa and all of his merry associates are ready!
Dope-of-a-Parent #3: Santa can’t travel that fast
Sometimes parents speak a bit frivolously and say things like, “There is no way that a fat Santa Claus, huge reindeer, a bunch of elves, and a big sleigh could travel at the speed required to visit 91.8 million homes in one night. It just isn’t possible!”
Consider the Possibility: Santa drives a sleigh but rides in a vacuum
Apparently these same parents have forgotten the lessons that Einstein himself taught us. All things are relative and that includes speed! Traveling at the speed of light is theoretically possible and is perhaps pragmatically possible for Santa Claus himself. In fact, according to EarthSky.org, traveling at the speed of light would be entirely possible for Santa Claus as long as he travels in a vacuum and not the same kind used for cleaning!
Of course Santa Claus will need to perform a variety of tests on his travel equipment throughout the year to prevent safety failures. This information will need to be saved, analyzed and perhaps entered into a CAPA system or a deviations system if there are failures, anomalies, or deviations that occur. A state-of-the-art EQMS will allow Santa to make corrective and preventive actions and record all known deviations quickly, which means that that little children around the world will be happier than ever!
Dope-of-a-Parent #4: How can Santa track all children’s good and bad deeds?
Tracking any kind of data isn’t easy. It takes a lot of time and effort so how could someone who couldn’t possibly watch all of the world’s children determine and keep track of good and bad deeds?
Consider the Possibility: Santa Claus understands the “Zeitgeist”
We all know that there is a lot more to communication than the verbal aspects. The word “zeitgeist” reflects the idea of a collective consciousness all people are sub-consciously or consciously aware of without necessarily communicating with words. A “zeitgeist” is what you feel when you feel a part of “something bigger.” So, if Santa were able to tap into the “zeitgeist” of the world’s children, then perhaps with the right tools he’d be able to track the good and bad deeds of children everywhere.
Given this possibility, Santa would be able to track this good/bad data seamlessly and keep documents on every child in the world all year long. With an EQMS’s document management software, logging good and bad deeds would be a standard and streamlined procedure so that Christmas deliveries happen without a hitch.
Dope-of-a-Parent #5: Too many toys to manufacture
If the figures from DAClarke.org regarding number of children are anything close to accurate, then it must be assumed that Santa Claus and his elves have the enormous and daunting responsibility of providing more than 100 million toys to children across the globe and if each child were to receive at least 2-3 gifts (considered average in the United States), then the sum would be much greater! This would mean that Santa’s busy little elves would be VERY employed and probably near exhaustion trying to manufacture a variety of more than 300,000 toys per day.
Consider the Possibility: Santa employs a LOT of elves and has access to EQMS training management
When you start thinking that it’s not possible to manufacture hundreds of millions of toys, just remember that elves are quick and clever creatures that can be trained to do amazing things. It is also unknown how many elves Santa employs and if the number is high, then it may be more than possible to get the job of toy manufacturing done in one year.
As for Santa. he does have quite a large responsibility when it comes to the management of toy manufacturing. Not only does Santa have to ensure that thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of elves are trained adequately for toy preparation. Santa must also ensure that communication is quick and timely so that all elf managers can communicate with the toy-maker elves.
With an EQMS system and a state-of-the-art training management module, Santa can ensure that all elves (managers and front-line manufacturers) can have access to the latest and greatest manufacturing methods. I think you’ll find the North Pole’s SOPs and benchmark standards include Six Sigma (maybe it’s “Nine Sigma” for the pickiest manufacturers like St. Nick) and Lean manufacturing techniques.
Dope-of-a-Parent #6: How does Santa manage the quality of so many toys?
Wherever there is manufacturing, there are bound to be defects and deviations and even if there were only 6-8 defects per million toys that’s still millions of defects. The North Pole crew knows children should not receive defective toys.
Consider the Possibility: Santa uses Six Sigma and Lean training/CAPA management software
It’s entirely possible that Santa is a quality-driven genius and that he implements Six Sigma (or more likely “Nine Sigma”) and lean manufacturing. Santa does train his elves to meet the best-of-the-best and the crème-de-le-crème quality standards so that little boys and girls around the world get the great presents they deserve.
Also, the number of defects found in toys must be continually managed and reduced so the good little children of the world continue to be happy little Santa-believers. That is why Santa continuously implements CAPA management as a tool within his EQMS.
Dope-of-a-Parent #7: It's too cold at the North Pole for manufacturing
Reasonable adults will question the extreme environment of the North Pole and wonder at the ridiculous idea that Santa Claus and his elves could manufacture millions of toys in an environment that isn’t a stranger to temperatures ranging between 20 and 30 degrees below zero Celsius. That is the kind of cold that could put a stop to production!
Consider The Possibility: An EQMS can handle it
However, with the right specifications and SOPs to manage processes and temperature controls as well as regular calibration of all needed equipment (all of which can be handled and recorded with an EQMS), it’s just not that difficult for Santa Claus to keep manufacturing large numbers of toys, even in sub-zero-degree weather.
Santa knows MasterControl
MasterControl, Inc. is proud to be the #1 EQMS provider to Santa Claus, his elves, and to the North Pole community, which includes all of Santa’s reindeer. MasterControl provides customized EQMS systems that can meet even the most complex manufacturing needs and regulations standardized by approximately 500 million discerning children spread across the planet Earth.